she says

‘…ya know,
some people think
that Santa is fake …’¹

my brain, freezes.

no dream here.
a sudden choke
of parent fear.
heart missed a beat,

made no mistake.
in her words.

they are
hot misted fog,
like tossed coffee
in sub zero air².

dammit just got
cold in here.

my eyes stay focussed
on the road.

slyly, slowly,
she adds,

‘but I know
its not true.’

I thank you
but not to you.
Or you would see
my courage fly off
like scared birds.
definitely don’t
make eye contact.


be still,
close eyes,
send it out
to the universe.
thank you.³

a quick glance
in the mirror-
me measuring her,
out the window.

¹ hanging in these
moments feels like
bottom drops out
from beneath me
no sense lying
questions that come
from spaces unknown
places and people
showing that she’s grown
up and 
away from me

²like the time …
she swallowed a nickel
she tripped down the stairs
she wandered off
she fell off chairs
she choked on cheerios
she cut her eyebrow…
-my god, the blood…
or or or

³… for:
tea and
storytime and
stuffies and
painting my nails and
bedtime routine and
hugs and
letting me fell like the greatest human on the face of your planet and
the tears that fall on my keyboard right now

Categories: poetry

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