I’ve been here before.
So have you.

Just last year I admitted
that my compulsive
complications
are real.

When I started writing
words
and saying
words
and sharing
words
in spaces away from us.
You had to know.

The questions,
the observations,
the getting
so deep
in my own head,
the outside faded
as
my inside found
a new space.

But that,
just like
2016
and
2015
and
all the others,
is our pattern.

You offering,
me receiving
sometimes,
listening often,
watching always.

Still, inevitability is surprising.

You, with packed bags,
heading
for the door.

Deja vu.

Me,
leaning
in a door frame,
hand squeezing the back of my neck.
1000 yard stare
looking past the present
and realizing,
its not me, its you.

A half turn,
you check me
one last time.

I almost look up in time.
our eyes shift past center.
The music swells –
something bent from OMD,
‘if you leave,
don’t leave now…’
played acoustically.

I get an uneasy feeling.
A pause at the door,
a hand on handle.
Maybe…
Really..?

I can’t place it at first,
but when it hits,
the body blow is severe.
This is the end.
Again.

The door swings open,
outer confronts inner
with cool air and light.

How did this happen?

No matter.

You’ll be back.

I may or may not be here.

With credits rolling,
the highlight reel begins.

JANUARY
Academic thinking can do that, it turns motivation into a headwind, and breaks momentum’s spine with overthinking.

FEBRUARY
My kids can shift from computer to crayon, to theatrics on a whim. And when I key into their creative frequencies I witness storytelling, performance, monologue, pantomime – pure drama, pure joy.

MARCH
Confession. My cross-border shopping for professional learning has always felt a bit shameful, almost affair-like, in that, I had been sneaking away from the comfort of my region for some time.

APRIL
My constant curiosity has connected me with hundreds of people that I do not physically encounter in my daily stompings. Connecting to them, through Twitter and Voxer in the digi-hallways has become so ingrained in my day that as soon as my iPhone falls below 30% I get a bit nervous.

MAY
The signals surrounding EDU are telling me that the culture and community expect us, insiders, to start doing things differently and these expectations are starting to stack up. Some of the signals are lightly tapping on the window and others beating at the door. Regardless, ignoring them, for me, has become impossible.

JUNE
Sometimes, I notice that I have just stepped into someone else’s silo. Bigger maybe, but still a silo. I feel kinda okay with this. Kinda. Mostly because my search is not over. Every time I reach out into my PLN I try to include more views, angles, dissonance, inspiration. However, the monochromatic nature of my sources has got to change. What am I missing? Who am I missing? Why did I miss it/them?

JULY
Hello teacher candidate. I have been thinking a lot about you this week. To be honest, I think about you often in the last month of school. There is something about the energy at the end of the year that makes me nostalgic. I think about do overs and do no mores and new beginnings.

AUGUST
heels planted like
oak roots and
ass to the sky.
such a strange salute
to the universe
but damn
it feels good.

SEPTEMBER
teach them to encourage others
teach them to think about other people
teach them to share
teach them to look for the good

OCTOBER
why weren’t you suspended?

NOVEMBER
I really dig it when my EDU POV collapses in on itself. Sometimes, digging my way out, is the only way to recognize my ridiculousness from my idiosyncratic tendencies from my actual good ideas.

DECEMBER
The day to day reality of teaching is definitely made complicatingly-awesome by little humans constantly beta testing all of our assumed best practices. Lay these players out on the system game board and it becomes apparent pretty quickly that no matter the plan, the day can run in more than one direction.

Posted by:chrisjcluff

I am a 'flow' seeker. In my day to day work I help students, colleagues, and community members make the most of the moments afforded us through public education. If I am not asking questions, I am not learning.

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