April has been a low month for me.
Low energy. Low inspiration. Low concentration. Just low on all professional fronts.
I am not one to sit at a low for too long. I put myself there, so as soon as I recognize where I am, I start climbing.
Often, as I ascend, I notice elemental fragments of my teaching life that I had missed previously. It’s like the grind of rebalancing draws my attention to the invisible factors that played a part in bringing me down in the first place. Trap door moments that worklife busy-ness camouflaged. This sneaky subterfuge from not paying attention has shot down my autopilot on more than one occasion.
Also, I tend to find loose bits, on the upswing. Placing one foot in front of the other, one hand reaching for a recognizable handhold, shakes free hidden pathways unseen from top down. The new perspective from bottom to base camp sometimes reveals a better path. Sometimes I even get a peek at the peak.
These moments have me me thinking about how I wrap up the school year, despite the fact that the last day of school is 8 weeks away.
I am not the type to draw on the energy of a weekend or a summer break to motivate me. I have never thought to myself, ‘whew, I made it to the weekend’ or that I deserved a break because of the intensity of work. And generally, when I encounter a finish line I just keep on running. There is a scene in the movie Funny Farm that plays out several hilarious times. The new family dog, adopted on impulse, reveals his true nature pretty much out of the box.
I am finding tension between my true nature and the reality of my current position. It is so powerful that I am honestly confused as to whether it is me or my circumstance that is making me consider job change.
The position I hold is a 3 year term. I have on several occasions noticed that I am craving change. However I temper that impulse with the core belief that it is far better to make changes when things are going well.
I just have to decide whether I am currently falling or climbing.