rake the leaves

i’m tasting
the regret that
happens
without intention
or warning;
accidental and
devastating-

sometimes from
nothing
more than
unwashed dishes,
forgotten birthdays, or
those fallen
leaves,

memories
are conjured
out of now
moments.

a soundbite
from a past
fragment
of a
memory
of you.

and sometimes
the same feeling,
that exact same
feeling
tumbles out of
questions like-
how long
has it been
since he passed?
is it 5 years?
no,4.
really?

the past
and
this seasonal
slippage
gets me to
my edges.

weight tipping
heels lifted
toes pressed
arms rolling
in wide circles
kinda edges
of
feelings.

my friend’s
friend
has vertigo
and in her
constant state
of falling
sometimes the only
fix is to
shake her head,
hard.
full stop.
and hope the
sudden arrest
lets her
finally
fall.

i get
that feeling.

what is it
about regret that
straps me to
a board and
forces cold calmness
down my throat?

i swell up
all composed
and closed.
chilled.

and even though
it seizes
my heart
and makes
then dance
with now,

i wish.

i wish
i could
stop the falling
leaves.

Categories: poetry

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